If Nothing Else.

“Do broken pianos play broken songs? Do they have busted melodies for busted hearts? Is there a song living inside it that’s waiting to get out? Her keys are shattered and her notes long since silent but I can still hear her song. Just listen, just listen.” -TKG

If nothing else, everyone deserves to at least feel understood. To be graced with the acknowledgement of all you are, all that you’re not, and all that you’re yet to be. Someone to look into your eyes and not merely see their own reflection, but the reflection of every tear, every broken heart, every smile, every dropped jaw that makes up your very being. Words heard but unspoken. Fragile threads connecting your minds and hearts. Late night fears, desires, dreams dancing off of your tongue to find welcoming ears. Shared moments braid the individual strings together, strengthening the bond. Gone with one swift motion of an elegant sharp edge. Torn and tethered. Yet, gathered once more to stitch together the fabric of your façade. Rare but invaluable. The kind of understanding that envelops you, but goes unseen. An understanding that recognizes the dark valleys of your past, the shadowy realities of your present, and the uncharted waters of your future.

Blink.

When a person or circumstance or life knocks you down or even if you’re perfectly content, take a moment on the ground to remember your roots, to become one with the Earth once more. Lay there and feel the world turn beneath you. Similar to the way we do not feel the planet’s rotation, we do not feel the days slipping past. We are numb to the time slipping through our knuckles until the hourglass’ sand has returned to its origins beneath our feet and we eternally become that very sand that robbed us of one more sunset, of one more speechless moment, of one more skipped heartbeat. 

Pay special attention to the fragrance of winter soon approaching as the brisk winds sweep away what’s left of the leafs that were once held high with pride only to fall, in this present moment, ever so solitarily to meet the ground. They will once more be enclosed in the darkness that so cleverly occupies the time of both what was and what is yet to be. Patiently they wait to be reborn and transformed into the foundation of the most beautiful flowers, the most mystical forests, the most stunning rolling hills of spacious, gracious joy. Join me in my quest of discovery and appreciation, for the most incredible miracles are closer than one would dare to think and more frequent than one would dare to hope. Do not fear to be enveloped by the beauty that surrounds us. Breathe in the life of all that exists and exhale all of the beliefs that have died within you as father time clouded your conscious with doubts. Let them once more interact with the world, be transformed, and inhaled once again. Embrace the naturally cyclical pattern of life, but do not be blinded by the mundane routines that occupy the body and trap the mind. Open your eyes to the world and with every blink see it for the first time. Set your mind free to wander and let your body follow unconditionally. 

Just Breathe.

Young adolescence: full of identity crises (as illustrated in my last post), uncertainty, and misunderstanding. All contributing factors I'm not going to miss and would like to believe I'm slowly leaving behind. However, I'll gladly take these cons in exchange for the simple advantage of being young, of having the majority of my life in front of me. Sure, the future is uncertain, but that's one of the best parts of life. Each one of us has the power to decide who we are going to be and what we are going to do. Whether to live within the system, challenge it, or recreate it entirely. I've never been one for going with the status quo. I've never been able to see myself slaving away in some cubicle in some city watching the hours, days, months, years slip past as I grudgingly climb the corporate ladder. That life is cut out for some, but is far from my idea of living. Perhaps it's selfish of me to believe there is more to life than working, but it is my only known way of thinking. I know others share in the concept and that's comforting. 

A world without money. Impossible? Not entirely. Just take a slice of time to entertain the thought. Imagine how different the world would be. True wealth identified not as monetary value, but as all the intangibles one possesses throughout their journey, their adventures of life. Moments unexpected and unforgettable. Relationships blooming and ever-lasting. Life's touched and changed for the better. Nature in its purest form. Consider the paradox: As humans we need oxygen to breathe. Naturally, oxygen is produced largely by trees. And us humans, being the all-knowing beings that we tend to be, cut down our true means of survival, turn them into money, and, in turn, create the very element used to fuel wars, poverty, and devastation. A world without money. When the focus is turned elsewhere, what does your purpose become? Does it shift from doing whatever humanly possible needed to obtain monetary wealth to touching as many lives as possible? To seeing and experiencing every corner of the Earth both poverty-stricken and luxurious? 

There has to be more to life than school and work. One should not have to confine "living" to the weekends. Living should be a constant. I understand that as individuals inhabiting this planet at this time we have responsibilities to uphold and roles to fill. But we cannot allow ourselves to forget that we are in control of what we dedicate our life to. Whether it be an office job, a coaching career, a specific major in college, the choice is ours to make despite outside influences. We are not required to submit to the environment we are placed in. Adaptation is key. We have the power to alter the mundane routine, to do the unexpected, to deviate from societal norms. Dare to be different. Dare to live. 

Fragmented.

There are going to be times in life when you find that you’re doubting yourself. Unsure of that reflection in the mirror or what lives inside your skull. Shaken and mistaken. Numb with nowhere to run. Pointing that gun. Finger on the trigger, but it won’t deliver. An empty blow to a heavy heart. Just bring me back to the start. Looking back on the past only breeds complacency. I’m dying to know what lives within me, but I’m distracted by the battles raging on beneath this façade. Caught inside my head. So it seems I’m someone I’ve never met. See through me. I’m looking for a breath of life, a little touch of heavenly light. Light up the darkness, I no longer find comfort here. Whisper your wisdom, your sweet secrets, in these desperate ears. 

One moment of weakness after the next. A mindset. Setting myself up to be knocked down. Feeling beneath the ground. If I could feel. I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all. Rise above and stand tall. Be brave. Do not fear. Do not worry. It gets you nowhere. I’m going nowhere fast with an attitude like that. I don’t want to release myself from this phase. I can’t turn the page. Can’t turn my back on this place until I reach a resolve. I can’t afford to come back. The voyage is taxing. Before I go, I must be sure of the company I’m traveling with. This ticket for one. All I’ve experienced. All that I’ve done. Choices, mistakes. Bridges built and burnt. For better or worse. Things that are wrong. Putting up a fight for things that are right. Take flight. Take flight. I went in the night. Until I didn’t return. The lantern still burns. Lights the path to my heart’s desires. It inspires perseverance. Courage. Pride. But I’m blinded by the sight of darkness in the night. Looking for something I’ve never seen. Alone and I’m in between. The place that I’m going and the places that I’ve been.

I want, no I need, to be better. Not merely restored, but transformed into someone better than who I was before. What more? I’m unsure of what these words are for. My thoughts are scattered. Everywhere and nowhere all at once. Is it a bit too much? Throw a punch! I dare you. But I realize I’m just urging on my reflection. Beating myself down. I’ll be lucky if I don’t drown here on the ground. While I’m here, I’ll get back to my roots. Repair any foundation that’s been damaged. Amend what’s been broken by these earthquakes of emotion. Overwhelmed by the notion that who I am and who I want to be are not one and the same. Life is not a game. But I take things too seriously with all these pressures and expectations placed on me. Struggling to live up to who I need to be has led me to forget who I am. Help me remember. Help me find myself again. In need of a friend, but the only way this will all end is if I go alone. Face what stares back. Take control. Ignite my soul.   

Starting Now

This blog has been a long time coming. I've been waiting for the right day, the right life event to spark some polar moment to give me reason enough to begin what I've been doing for as long as I can remember, but I don't want to spend my life waiting. Starting now. For the past few months, I've been dying to be a replication of something authentic but that all ends today. I no longer wish to be the mirror when I can be the one casting the reflection.

At 17 years of age and a senior in high school, I find the time to close this chapter of my life rapidly approaching. The time for parting with familiar faces and leaving behind memory filled places will soon be upon me, but if life has taught me one thing, it's that it goes on. I'm unafraid of what the future holds because I'm certain that in the end, no matter what happens, I'll be alright. With a mindset open to variation, the possibilities are endless. This chapter is ending, but what is forgotten are the pages that are turned far more often in order for that chapter to progress. Decisions are made monthly, weekly, daily that effect what words are inscribed in my story of life. I linger on some pages and don't offer a second-glance to others, but page after page, choice after choice, my story is writing itself.

As much as we'd like life to be as black and white as ink against paper, it's far from it. Choices are often far from simple. Circumstances endlessly complicated. Factors pile upon factors. Reason upon reason. Transcending all seasons. Complexity is on the rise leading to my fear that simplicity has reached it's demise. Many of the best things are products of simple moments evoked by simple thoughts and desires. The ever present complexity is what makes simplicity so incredible. Life is going to throw many situations at me and many decisions will have to be made. So as this chapter comes to a close, I'll turn the page and let the next begin. Word by word, and day by day I'll be finding my way through the grey.